Making Sure all the Boundary Violating, Gossiping Locals  Get all of the Con-fidential Details to Which They Believe They are Righteously Entitled

I could not tell my ex friend that my own father was involved in this and that he was lying about it, as it upset HER too much to have to hear it. She glared at me for it. She had never even met him; but of course this is about ideas about who I am supposed to be, and who everyone else is supposed to be as defined by these 'authorities' and about the ‘Family Romance’ isn’t it?  Reality has very little to do with it.

My ex friend even brought her other friend, who did not know me at all,  over to 'correct' me once, telling me with undisguised  condescension, “why we all have problems with parents treating us like children. My own mother still tells me to remember to take a sweater when I go out...”

That just made me feel ever so selfish then to whine about my father pushing his way into my ex psychiatrists office, 'covertly' as was his style, knowing full well I saw him there, and then lying about it to me and others when I confronted him about it, while knowing full well also that I knew he was lying. He was only trying to ‘help’ poor stupid me. Of course that was nothing new for him and we had talked about many similar occasions when I lived in the same city with him. Keeping everyone separated was part of his control ‘game.'

Why even this helpful gal's mother reminds her to take a sweater, so look how alike we are in this kind of problem. You don't see HER making such a big deal of it now do you? That is why she was selected to come and straighten me right out. Many people have tried to straighten me out this way but alas, all have failed as I just will not let go of all those fascinating delusions of mine. Oh the huffing, puffing and sighing they have displayed as a result of the wasted effort to talk to me, one of ‘them.’ God knows what must be going on in the head of a whack job like me huh?

As psychiatry says, God knows what they are hearing when we talk to them...

Yes and we say something similar too for God also knows what you are trying to ‘find’ in us when we talk to you, just in the attempt to make the simple obvious truth go away.

It does not matter at all that my father told people I was only saying that to 'seek attention' as he liked to say throughout the course of his life, nor does it matter that at least one, and perhaps both, of my sisters know he was lying too, but have kept it to themselves and never acknowledged my saying he did this in any way. In fact, when asked, about her participation, my younger sister refused to answer and I have not heard a word from her since. She is a mental health pro now herself, as I understand many of you already know. My younger sister was even rumoured to have given someone coming down here a picture of me to see if they could identify me, and another rumour was acted out that this individual saw me in Homewood in 99 and reported back, ''yes that's her all right. She is a little older than in the picture but that is definitely her.'' 

It also does not matter that my father went to his grave STILL lying, even though I had told him that if he admitted the truth in this and told the rest of the family that, as well, I would forgive him. He still was not interested in what I knew, or what I felt either. In fact, he told me that the only way any of them would ever talk to me now would be if he told them to. He wanted me to know how much control he had you see.

Nor does it matter that my elder sister sent me his death notice photocopied out of the local newspaper and stuck to a blank piece of paper, with nothing else and no signature, stuffed anonymously into an envelope from Ticket Junction, so it would look like a lottery ticket I was signing for (which I knew it was not since I don't buy tickets)  or that it was mailed one week after the funeral. (I kept that too on this long journey of help) I am sure that as always, that was meant to get a reaction out of me by punishing me for knowing but all it got was another tired sigh since I am used to her lifelong antics and no longer care about them at all. She started her acting out on me when I was about three years old. It had to stop mattering to me. But you know what? If you meet her I am sure she will give you a big smile and be very friendly.

 Do you notice how much psychiatry likes the 'smiling? Cults like smiling too. So do telemarketers..Hi there and how are YOU today? They all seem to think that as long as the world is full of grinning idiots we won't be able to say we don't like what they DO. How can we when they are smiling all day and complimenting us on our choice of shirts and blouses? Yes that is a nice blouse I have on, and saying so while smiling at me sure makes up for the death threats I have had uttered at me and for my employer being told I was an intractable lunatic with no prospect of recovery. Why I actually believed that harmed me, can you imagine? That is why I got to be “301: “They believe they have been harmed by others.”

My relationship with my father had all but ended years before and he knew why too, even if all my 'correctors' and evaluators here, most of whom have no part in my life whatsoever, did not know. It was as pointless as the last 17 years have been here; an endless repetitive loop of dysfunctional stasis.  So when the little friend, of my friend,  told me about her own mother and being reminded to take a sweater, to show me how I was making another big deal out of nothing, I felt well chastened for my attention seeking which I so like to do over absolutely nothing as you who gossip about it all day already know...not that you do that of course.  By the way you should all include the  word “just” in the “attention seeking” evaluations as the word is vital to that phrases true meaning.  It means, “don't listen to her as really nothing at all happened and she is “JUST” saying it did to “seek attention.” if you think about it there is a sliver of truth in that. I AM 'seeking' to get your attention focused on this group phenomenon.

But you see, back with the father now, I still had a problem with this one as part of the ongoing psychiatrization of me, as I was told my relatives would NOT be contacted, the YEAR before this “covert father operation” occurred, at the time I was in the hospital. I was told that next of kin was only taken in the event that I was unable to speak for myself, or for those under age. Not only that but I had NEVER given anyone permission at Homewood to speak to either of my parents at ANY time for ANY reason, so I did not have to  concern myself with my ex psychiatrist doing that since  that was not going to be done. Guess why I never gave them permission? Go ahead...guess. Since I was not 'underage' at 48, I must then assume that even though I was working, I must have been considered to be incompetent.  Is that correct?

Was another round of 'help' coming? You  know how us whack jobs don't like to let go of our silly little problems like these and just 'move on' with our lives; whatever might be left of them after we get helped and tightly labelled for total control.

As far as my incompetency goes, one of the 'covertly' operating employees of another health care agency told the staff at a nursing home that this was the case and was in fact WHY I had been forced out of Homewood. She told them I had lost my privileges there due to incompetency, and so she was wondering if maybe SHE could take over my work at the home where she filled them in on that bit of undercover news? Which one was she? The same one that used to give nice gifts in baskets for 'no reason at all' to the residential patients and when they asked why, she would say “just because you are my favourite patient at the hospital here and so if you ever need anyone or are not happy with the person you have, (like me for example) you be sure to tell them to ask for me.”^[1] I ignore this person and she thinks it is my lousy personality causing that, as she is sure I don’t know how she operates. Most people   don’t you see. She smiles a lot and always sounds so 'friendly.'

Then I was noted by some of those observing the specimen here to be developing ''trust issues.'' How odd...how do you suppose that might have developed? Must be my bad brain chemistry; a narcotics deficiency perhaps.

Anyway, I stopped trying to tell my ex friend anything shortly after that ‘corrective’ little visit. Every visit was huffing, puffing and sighing from her with tons of sarcasm no matter what I said, and frankly there was no real friendship left. But you know I have learned that this happens a whole lot when people get psychiatrized. That is because even people who knew us before, start to treat us like our diagnostic labels tell them we are supposed to be like, and before you know it, we are being 'interpreted,' corrected like naughty children, ignored and patronised by most of the people still left in our lives. So in time, we give up, and then we get psychiatrically 'interpreted' for doing that too.

''She is withdrawing. Maybe she just needs another stay in the hospital.''

Your staff there announced that too.