(Blog) Four Foot Newsflash 2010: These I get daily for...

My Very Own Paranoid Delusions and 'Imaginary' Conversations

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Observing, Assessing and Evaluating Crazy Me:

One of Those "Cries for 'Help'"

Even More 'Fun'

I thought it might be even more ‘fun’ for the locals to get right into my personal space in a way that would not be possible for them to do just by pushing and shoving their way in, and then passing all they can get along as interpretive gossip. (not that any of them DO that of course!) So, bearing in mind that I have been told by experts that none of my personal experience of reality, as I perceive it, is ‘real,’ I thought that I would share my erroneous perceptions and reactions (‘affects’, which are not feelings like you have) right here on this page, with all of you. This way, you who are not ‘sick’ can enjoy observing and assessing someone who is told she is sick, but who will not accept it.

Of course this is likely just another example of my ‘self importance’ as is my belief that people who are duplicitous actually talk about me behind my back. The ones I ask about it always deny it outright or spin it, telling me this is my thinking and perception problem and not their thinking and behaviour problem. As my labelling psychiatrist asked me, “why would they lie?” That is a good question. Maybe one day these questions will all be answered for me.

In any case, I know that I must not blame any of those ‘others’ so instead, I will just share with all of you, the sane people, what it is really like to be a paranoid delusional whack job like me, by telling you how life is in my own community as crazy me perceives it with my poor sick old brain. No real names will ever be used here.

Now remember I am going to write this “AS IF” this were reality so that those of you who know you are not brain disordered as I am, can really see what it is like to be at the mercy of one’s poor sick brain and yet believe that people actually DO behave this way and that it is in fact very common.

So take the advice of one of my smiling neighbours who states, “Really we should just feel sorry for them (the psychiatrized) and just be glad that we don’t have a disease like that. Unfortunately, we have no place to put them (me) now.”

Remember now, I am just crazy, so I cannot help seeing and hearing what I believe to be true so you musn’t take it personally must you? After all, it is not even real so how COULD I be talking about you? This page should be considered to be educational, sometimes entertaining, like our ‘stories’ about reality often are, and intended to further the understanding about ‘mental illness’ and ‘mental health’ and how to know the difference. It will seem difficult at first since my ‘delusions’ are considered to be ‘plausible.’ (meaning these things COULD happen in real life but of course they don’t, as others would have no reason to behave this way.)

So that being said, if what I say here sounds to you locals like I am talking about YOU, rest assured that I can’t be as you would never behave this way without reason, would you? As long as I don’t confront you personally with my false accusations, no one should have a problem with me. I promise that unless anyone admits, to me personally, that his/her behaviour is real, and not just all in my poor sick mind, I will not be talking to him or her about it at all, but will simply look at him or her, smile and say hello, just like s/he does, or else ignore him/her completely.

But there will be no public scene from me, no threatening people or hollering in the town square.’ My own brand of 'fame seeking’ is more the laid back type of insanity.

To complete my disclaimer here then:

On this page, Any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental or another sign of my inherently defective personality. Therefore, please do not worry that anyone else is ever going to be held in any way accountable for any of it.

Feel free to leave ALL the comments and judgements you like, even arguing amongst yourselves about me, and how crazy I am, excepting; swearing, threatening, or specifically sexual comments, about my paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations as I really do want the population all over the rest of the world, as well as in my own city, to get a really good sense of what it is really like to be told one is a ‘paranoid delusional disorder’ and to be, frankly, unable to accept that, or to accept being told one is inherently defective as a human being.

My Paranoid Stories of life in my city will appear here below so do get involved in this educational experience...Don't worry, (not that you would) as no real names will be used here since none of these people are really guilty of anything anyway...so how could they be?

• My Own Fascinating Insanity

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Four Foot Newsflash 2010

07/09/2010

These I get daily for seventeen years. At times they peak, usually when someone has just done another round in the psych hospital and gets all the latest rumours from there to spread everywhere or out of twelve step meetings or from the drinking establishments etc.

In the est training this is called the ‘chain reaction’ and it gets dropped on the selected target like a psychic bomb by those who ‘choose’ power over enlightenment as the answer to their problems.

Today’s news is interesting because when they do this I always think this is more of the old absurdity being repeated yet again. I know now though they don’t do it on purpose intending me to see them and hear them. They are simply oblivious to themselves, to me, and to the perfectly obvious in it all and of course THAT fits right in with the estian concept of “You will fail to see what it right in front of you.”

Are you starting to see why a power est-ee with a hidden agenda of domination (est concept; “It’s about domination”) would sit and smirk to himself while listening to everyone else talk about his target over which he is maintaining ‘total control’ without anyone else knowing how he was doing it?

Well in any case, here is today’s newsflash and one that I have already heard many times, as is true in all of this:

One of the women who lives in the apartment complex where I do now, and who has acted out for me MANY times before was talking to another who has also been gossiping for years and who lives a couple of buildings down.

“She knows everything. She hardly knows anybody here so I don’t know how she does it?”

How I do it is by listening to the gossiping about it everywhere I go every day, which is done nonstop by people just like this woman, who does it IN MY PRESENCE oblivious to herself. It is done by those who know my name only, by those who know only my face, by those who know both, and by those who know neither. It is done in a gossip mongering chain and SOME of those people who treat me with utter contempt don’t care at ALL if I hear them and even hope that I DO since in their opinion I deserve just what I am getting for being who I am as THEY understand me to be.

Todays’ news flashing woman has been given information about me from many of the residents of the apartment building, who do not really know me at all, but who are sure that they do because they have ‘heard’ all about me. One of them has a daughter who works at the nursing home on M. St., another has a niece at the one on W. Rd. Both places have employees who used to work at the psych hospital and who were involved in the “joke/game/ intervention that never happened. One of them has passed along all she knows and also got some of the staff to find out some information for her. How do I know? It was acted out for me on a street, and on a bus, INCLUDING that the woman had told her not to talk about it on a bus, or let on where she got the information. So she told that to those with whom she gossiped about it ON THE BUS. Later, when the woman who is playing the amateur CIA agent heard about that, she got quite upset because she had TOLD her not to talk about it on the bus. She passed her distress along to another gossip, who in turn passed it along and so on... They have pumped health care agency workers and others for information to see what they can “find out.” Yet how do I respond to any of this since I am told how inappropriate it would be for ME to do so, but more to the point “nothing’ has happened here, therefore what is it that I know ‘everything’ about, when there is NOTHING to know?

estian concept: “Everything and nothing are the same thing.”

Let’s all smirk together at this great 17 years LONG ‘joke’ shall we?

The fact is that this community has been doing this all along and I have said so very clearly, but when I say that, it gets ‘assessed’ as a symptom of my ‘mental illness’ that causes me to ‘think’ people are talking about me when “really’ they aren’t. “Really” then, these are just my feelings about myself which I am “projecting.” Otherwise it might be the group members who are doing the ‘projecting’ of their own LACK of awareness and you know we just can’t have that now can we? I mean how would that “LOOK”?

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