Even More 'Fun'
I thought it might be even more ‘fun’ for the locals to get right into my personal space in a way that would not be possible for them to do just by pushing and shoving their way in, and then passing all they can get along as interpretive gossip. (not that any of them DO that of course!) So, bearing in mind that I have been told by experts that none of my personal experience of reality, as I perceive it, is ‘real,’ I thought that I would share my erroneous perceptions and reactions (‘affects’, which are not feelings like you have) right here on this page, with all of you. This way, you who are not ‘sick’ can enjoy observing and assessing someone who is told she is sick, but who will not accept it.
Of course this is likely just another example of my ‘self importance’ as is my belief that people who are duplicitous actually talk about me behind my back. The ones I ask about it always deny it outright or spin it, telling me this is my thinking and perception problem and not their thinking and behaviour problem. As my labelling psychiatrist asked me, “why would they lie?” That is a good question. Maybe one day these questions will all be answered for me.
In any case, I know that I must not blame any of those ‘others’ so instead, I will just share with all of you, the sane people, what it is really like to be a paranoid delusional whack job like me, by telling you how life is in my own community as crazy me perceives it with my poor sick old brain. No real names will ever be used here.
Now remember I am going to write this “AS IF” this were reality so that those of you who know you are not brain disordered as I am, can really see what it is like to be at the mercy of one’s poor sick brain and yet believe that people actually DO behave this way and that it is in fact very common.
So take the advice of one of my smiling neighbours who states, “Really we should just feel sorry for them (the psychiatrized) and just be glad that we don’t have a disease like that. Unfortunately, we have no place to put them (me) now.”
Remember now, I am just crazy, so I cannot help seeing and hearing what I believe to be true so you musn’t take it personally must you? After all, it is not even real so how COULD I be talking about you? This page should be considered to be educational, sometimes entertaining, like our ‘stories’ about reality often are, and intended to further the understanding about ‘mental illness’ and ‘mental health’ and how to know the difference. It will seem difficult at first since my ‘delusions’ are considered to be ‘plausible.’ (meaning these things COULD happen in real life but of course they don’t, as others would have no reason to behave this way.)
So that being said, if what I say here sounds to you locals like I am talking about YOU, rest assured that I can’t be as you would never behave this way without reason, would you? As long as I don’t confront you personally with my false accusations, no one should have a problem with me. I promise that unless anyone admits, to me personally, that his/her behaviour is real, and not just all in my poor sick mind, I will not be talking to him or her about it at all, but will simply look at him or her, smile and say hello, just like s/he does, or else ignore him/her completely.
But there will be no public scene from me, no threatening people or hollering in the town square.’ My own brand of 'fame seeking’ is more the laid back type of insanity.
To complete my disclaimer here then:
On this page, Any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental or another sign of my inherently defective personality. Therefore, please do not worry that anyone else is ever going to be held in any way accountable for any of it.
Feel free to leave ALL the comments and judgements you like, even arguing amongst yourselves about me, and how crazy I am, excepting; swearing, threatening, or specifically sexual comments, about my paranoid delusions and hallucinated conversations as I really do want the population all over the rest of the world, as well as in my own city, to get a really good sense of what it is really like to be told one is a ‘paranoid delusional disorder’ and to be, frankly, unable to accept that, or to accept being told one is inherently defective as a human being.